Have you ever had that gut feeling that your partner might not be as faithful as they claim, but every time you bring it up, the conversation is quickly shut down?
Unfortunately, infidelity isn’t as rare as we’d like to think. According to a 2021 Statista survey, one in five Americans has admitted to cheating in a relationship at some point. That means the chances of dating someone who has been unfaithful before are pretty high.
Here are the five major signs that might indicate your partner is about to cheat.
Genuine sex addict
“Unlike a one-time lapse in judgment, this type of infidelity comes from an uncontrollable cycle where the individual feels compelled to seek new connections or experiences, regardless of the consequences,” the marriage expert explained.
“For those struggling with this addiction, the behavior is rarely about love, lust or dissatisfaction in their existing relationship, but instead reflects an attempt to temporarily fill an emotional void.”
“Unfortunately, the relief doesn’t last long and is usually followed by shame and a return to the same destructive cycle.”
She strongly recommends that those struggling with it seek support from groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
Need to feel ‘seen’
According to Winkler, some people cheat because they crave validation. Being desired by someone new triggers a rush of dopamine – the brain’s feel-good chemical.
She elaborated: “It plays a powerful role in sexual dynamics, giving those who cheat a rush that temporarily fills an emotional void.”
“As with all drugs, however, that feeling eventually wears off – and something more powerful is needed the next time.”
Emotional baggage
Winkler wrote: “We all carry some level of undigested emotional pain from childhood, a time when we didn’t have the capacity to fully feel or heal. But if that trauma was big enough – perhaps your partner experienced neglect or grief at a particularly young age – those unresolved scars can affect adult relationships too.”
“If you know that your partner experienced a notable trauma in their youth, be aware they may turn to cheating as an adult to help shield themselves from future pain.”
“Think of it as consciously blowing up something good in order to avoid another uncontrolled and painful ending.”
Couples who address past traumas together are more likely to maintain a stable and fulfilling relationship.
Self-sabotage
Winkler shared a case study of one of her clients – a woman who had cheated on her partner right after getting promoted at work.
“On the surface, she appeared to be thriving, but deep down, she felt unworthy of both her professional and personal success,” she explained.
“The affair became a way for her to manage the ‘inevitable’ disaster – even though it was self-inflicted.”
“Loss, whether it is of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or a home, can reopen the ‘graves’ of past losses, overwhelming an individual with feelings of grief and unworthiness.”
‘Distant’ partner
Winkler wrote: “You’ve likely heard someone say: ‘He’s emotionally unavailable.’ This phrase frequently comes up when discussing infidelity, since cheaters are often described by their partners – and sometimes by the mistress too – as emotionally distant.”
“The root of this behavior often lies in what therapists call an avoidant attachment style.”
“Developed in the late 1950s by UK psychotherapist John Bowlby, ‘attachment theory’ describes four kinds of emotional bond that people tend to form with others depending on the relationship they had as a child with their very first caregiver.”
“While they may crave connection, that intensity of closeness can feel suffocating, triggering their defense mechanisms to create emotional space.”
